There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
