i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
