Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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