Define "chronic" masturbator.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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