I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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