Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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