If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
