I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
