Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
