I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
