Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
there is glitter all over my balls
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