Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
