4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
