That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
