Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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