all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I am available for nakedness
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
