mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
