can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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