ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
