Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
