I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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