I looked at my own cervix.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Randomize
