if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
