Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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