I just pynch a tree in the face
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I want a musical about memes.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
