Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
