You just made me feel so damn special
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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