i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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