I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
