At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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