Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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