no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
