Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
