this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
