I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
