Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I deserve this hangover.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
