i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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