I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
