Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
