Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize