I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
