my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
