So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
