tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
