There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I will be naked everywhere
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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