why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
