i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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