I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
