I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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