Yo dont text me then not text me
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
