pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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