I CAN MOONWALK!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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