You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
