wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
