These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
