i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
