My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Life is so much better after having sex.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
