apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
