So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
