Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize