I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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