She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
