Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize