I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
