She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
