Sry I called you an 8
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize
