Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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