I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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