wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
