So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
