instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
