I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
