we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
