At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Randomize
