Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
