if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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