yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
