he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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