the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
