It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize