is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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