I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
