I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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