you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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