im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
