There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
