Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
