I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
