The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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