I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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