i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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