I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
