If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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