i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
