That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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