you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize