There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
