I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
