but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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