I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
