I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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