The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
