Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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