We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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