The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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