I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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