I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
