I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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